Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Why is wealth by any means necessary always justified?

If you leave $12 million to your dog, it doesn’t mean that you cared deeply for your pet, or that you wanted to make sure your loyal friend will continue a comfortable life. It means that you were a disgusting, vile, mucous-laden person that no human loved. I know that America revolves around the dollar and we value profit as a mark of success, but we should not gauge our heroes by this.

Put simply, if you really like the Sopranos and want to fast track your mafia membership, then kill somebody. Likewise, if you really like money, get into business and then exploit all your partners, friends and family. Make money off of every handshake, hug or sentiment, but resign yourself to emotional bestiality because now only dogs will love you.

Helmsley was a fraud. Ashamed of her immigrant roots she changed her name to Roberts and then fled from her Brooklyn neighborhood. She claimed to have gone to college and also to have done some modeling, but there is no proof of either thing happening. Rumors abound that during her younger days, Lena (her real, albeit pedestrian sounding name) made money in the “World’s Oldest Profession.” While working as a lowly secretary in a real estate office, she eventually swindled her boss Harry Helmsley into leaving his wife of 33 years in order to marry her. After pushing him into senility (although many say that he was just playing Vinnie the Chin), Helmsley alienated all her husband’s business partners and then stole untold millions in company assets. Eventually she would utter her famous phrase that “only the little people pay taxes.”

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