Long-Term Elder Care Takes a Toll on Family

Q:After my mother-in-law suffered a stroke nearly two years ago, my wife and I have cared for her mother at home with us. When we saw that we could not handle this part-time and could not get my wife's siblings to help, my wife stopped working to stay at home with her full-time. This meant her losing the ability to retire early.

Of late, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia, and we just can't do it any longer. We tried to find a facility that would admit her, but because she only has $1,500 to her name and $720 per month in Social Security, the nursing homes tell us that there is an 18-month wait for a "Medicaid bed," and that they can't take her unless my wife and I guarantee to pay for her care at more than $5,500 monthly. We tried to discuss splitting the costs with her brother and sister, but they are not interested, and my wife and I simply can't afford to assume this cost. We are at our wit's end.

A:Yours is a prime example how long-term care may have an intergenerational impact on the family. Your wife stops work to care for her aged mother which, in turn, reduces your current family income and her chance for retirement which, in turn, obliterates your family's retirement planning, passing responsibility on to your children should you require this type of care.

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