Letters To The Editor

Dear Ray:

Thank you for taking the time to provide such helpful information about Elder Abuse and for making it available for victims and for people like me, concerned family members.

My father is a VERY "with-it", yet grumpy at times, 83 years young. He and my brother work in our family business and have done so for over 20 years. My father has worked hard all of his life only for one single reason - to be certain that my brother and myself will be financially secure when he will no longer be with us. My dad is never concerned about himself. He is most happy when he is able to help one of us, or anyone needing help. I for one, as his daughter, have nothing but enormous respect and love for him. I have always followed the belief that we as children are to honor and respect our elders and parents.

I have just learned that my brother, who will be 60 this year, has been physically abusing our father during frequent arguments at the office. There is a long history of verbal arguments and lots of door slamming and hurtful words being hurled at one another. My brother has been shoving my dad into walls, filing cabinets, and has been witnessed by the secretary and receptionist on all occasions. My father has also confided in me that this is happening. I asked him to please call the local police department, but he said it isn't necessary. I will be sworn in as a Deputy Sheriff locally in about 2 months, and find that I am responsible, not only because of the obvious - that I love my father and what is happening is wrong - bit from a legal standpoint, to get involved. I am planning to personally go to the police department in their town and file a report against my brother and requesting that he be charged with Elder Assault and be given whatever he deserves as far as punishment.

My brother has a long history of depression and has always been "not right" from my perspective. He is also not speaking to me because of money -- we share an estate in which we will receive 50/50 of any and all inheritance. At present, due to my own personal situation, I have been allowed to take $150,000 prematurely due to divorce, bills, etc.. My brother has stopped talking to me because I am "ahead of him" and in his eyes have more than he does - which is not true. I also believe this situation has lead to his habit of beating up our father. I would like to see my brother receive mental health services to help him, and I am also concerned for my safety for fear he is going to "snap" one of these days.

Please, at your convenience, let me know if I am doing the right thing by using "tough love" and reporting my brother to the local police, or perhaps you know of anyone in a similar situation and would be willing to share their story with me. It is my duty as a loving daughter and caring sister to do something to stop this immediately.

Thank you for listening,

Post any comments here or write to E.A. for fowarding to me.
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Dear Reader ;

Thank you for writing in to E.A. like so many people that are faced with Elder Abuse that write to me , I really wish I had some answers to give you.

I will post your letter so that any readers that wish to respond to you regarding your very delicate and most difficult situation.

Allow me to congratulate you on a wonderful and thoughtful father that thinks of you before himself, I'm sorry that your brother does not appreciate how lucky he is to have such a wonderful father and has chosen jealously and divisiveness over being able to appreciate and relish the time that you have been given to love one another and to appreciate the gift of being able to enjoy so many years together as a family and regardless it is never long enough.

It is my belief that family membership does not give someone the right to abuse an elder and should be held accountable by the same standards as the rest of us.

That said, abusive behavior can lead to disastrous consequences and traumatic results from which you may never recover. Luckily you are on to it, and have the opportunity to ' Nip it in the Bud."

My brother received a College education that cost in the neighborhood of $150,000
I asked to receive my share upfront so that I could go into business instead, unfortunately my brother never forgave my mother for that and saw it as partiality and never got over it.

When payback time came, my mother paid for it dearly, just as your father is paying for it now.

Warning: the situation can get out of control very fast and there will be no turning back once the damage has been done.

My advise to you is to do everything within your power to avoid getting to the point of "No Return" if that involves getting psychiatric help for your brother or getting a restraining order , then so be it, whatever the solution, it should not come at the expense of your wonderful and loving father who is probably being made to feel guilty for what your brother considers preferential treatment towards you.

Thank You for writing in and sharing your thoughs, and I am happy to be able to offer the support in that we all share the same pain which bounds us as a family to a cause that only those that have felt the pain of seeing a loved one victimized, can know.