Tamara Dominado's Statement On The 100th Day of Her Mother's Abduction

When I learned that my mother was abducted, I felt like the Grim Reaper just ripped out a big chunk of my heart. I don’t know what to think. What goes through the mind of crazy people is only known to those who have the power to read minds or to those who are crazier. During the summer, my heart got stitched up, even for just a moment, when I had the chance to spend a lot of time with my friends. But unfortunately summer left, and I cannot forget.

On the last day my mother and I were together, we went to Tigbauan to sort out matters regarding my boarding house for my summer internship. Afterwards, we went to South Park, a nearby restaurant where we ordered Tenderloin Tips and Chopsuey. We Had a long wait and I was surprised that she didn’t complain or wasn’t even annoyed.

She was silent the whole time, the kind of silence that gives you the feeling that something bad is going to happen. the food was served. In the middle of our meal, the song Tatsulok played on the radio. She asked me if I liked that type of music and she suddenly started singing with the chorus. I remember that day every time I hear that song.

My sister is now taking care of me, and it’s kinda hard for us to make end meet and make sense of things. Everything has changed in my life. Before, It is usually the sound of her voice that wakes me up on a school day. Now, I only hear the irritating beeps of three alarm clocks.

I miss her footsteps in the hallway and her voice trying to wake me up. I miss when she would bring home food for me. I miss the fact that when I stay out pass my curfew, she would threaten to punish me if I do not come home immediately, but when I arrive, it seems as if nothing happened. I miss the sound of Bandila every night.

Now, I usually keep myself busy by trying hard not to cry (not the other way around). I also keep myself busy with school work. And I also keep myself busy by having fun at all times. People complain that I act as if nothing has happened and even have the gal to be happy. Well, it’s only because I want to hide the pain since I cannot forget it, so I will not be a burden to others. They say that for every happiness there is, in turn, seven times the sorrow. But that is only so if you let the sorrow take hold of you. Whenever I’m down, I always think of this:

Sorrow and despair is abundant everywhere but even if it is, there is always a sunrise at the start of the day reminding us all that we live in a world where the happiest of miracles can still happen.

I want/wish/hope that Nanay would come home still in her right state of mind, uninjured if possible and miraculously alive.

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Dear Tamara

It's amazing when I read your statement it reminded me word for word of the summer that my mother was abducted, a big chunk of my heart was ripped out my chest, my mother was abducted right here in the U.S.A by our own brand of domestic terrorists for possibly the same reasons of financial gain and blackmail and they used tactics just as devastating as the ones in the Philippines that abducted your mother. Unfortunately summer left, and I also cannot forget.

On the last day my mother and I were together I remember well, she had gone to a social luncheon and she had gone earlier that Saturday morning to have her nails done, she was wearing her best jewelry and was very assertive and un usually happy that morning.

Not one of us had the slightest hint that would be the last time we would see her walking under her own power or in a coherent state before she would be left incapacitated with a combination of drugs and neglect.

Everything has changed in our life, it had been a nightmarish hell right out of Dante's novel ever since.

I miss her footsteps late at night and the smell of toasting bread wafting through the house when she would get up like clockwork at 11:00 PM every night to make toast and 'Cafe con Leche'.

I also miss when she would threaten me when I stayed up late and I also miss her waking me up because she thought I was wasting my time by sleeping in late even if it was Saturday or a Sunday.

Your positive frame of mind in the face of such adversity is an encouragement to others who feel your pain.

I pray that the sunrise of tomorrow will bring back your Nanay in her right state of mind, uninjured.

Unfortunately for me that wasn't possible.

Ray Fernandez

P.S. I enjoyed your blog